thoughts on standards/expectations for relationships

But better to be alone than to be with the wrong people. Here's my few cents on the matter:

Respect - when you tell your partner that you don't like it when they do X. Do they listen? Do they stop doing X? When you tell your partner that you're feeling hurt, do they listen or do they ignore you? This will bleed into other standards too, such as boundaries. If everyone agreed on a boundary, would the other person ignore that boundary later? Respect for another person comes after respect of oneself - do they keep their word? Do they keep apologizing for the same thing over and over?

Communication/Listening - how does this person communicate? Do they even try to communicate? Do they tell me their needs, what they're feeling, or when something is right/wrong? Or do they stalk off in a tantrum because they didn't get what they want but didn't use their words? Do they weaponize their words? Do they get emotional and breakdown at anodyne words? Do they give feedback? Do they try to tell you what they want or is it easier for them to manipulate you into giving them what they want?

Boundaries - what are you comfortable with (A), what is slightly uncomfortable (B), and what is completely off limits (C)? What is the other person's ABC's? Where do you overlap? The relationship ideally lives within A, inches towards B sometimes, and avoids C. One really shitty thing is that often either or both partner have no idea something is a B or a C until they get there and shit hits the fan.

Fighting - every relationship will have ups and downs, does this person fight fairly, fight with compassion, fight without hurting my feelings further, fight with integrity? Or do they call me names? Do they fight dirty? Did I become the enemy? Or do they avoid all fights entirely? Can they sincerely apologize? Communication has really helped me with this.

Conflict - how does this person deal with conflict from myself/others? Are they conflict avoidant? Do they attack it head on? Or do they try to reason and solve the problem?

Honesty/Vulnerability - how honest is this person? To myself as well as to themselves? How vulnerable are they willing to be with me? Without it there is little intimacy.

Feedback - how do they take feedback? This sucks because nobody wants to hear how they suck but it's necessary to becoming a better person. Do they take it as rejection/criticism? Do they take it well? Do they reflect upon their behavior and try to be better? Or as Mark Manson puts it "The ability to see one’s own flaws and be accountable for them."

However, the BEST relationship advice I’ve ever gotten was - work on yourself. The more secure, happy, healthy, you are the more you will know what you want and what you don’t want. And you’ll be ready for that kind of relationship.